Tuesday, May 6, 2008


On June 13th, 2003, I sat in the left field bleachers of Yankees Stadium and watched you strike out Edgar Renteria for your 4000th K. On June 13th, 2003, I watched you pitch 6.2 strong innings against the St. Louis Cardinals to win your 300th game. On June 13th, 2003, I watched you make history. Roger Clemens, you used to be a legend, you used to be an icon, you used to be one of the greatest pitchers to ever touch a baseball.

Times change…

Congratulations Roger Clemens, you are now, the 2nd Ever Sports Freakers CLOWN OF THE WEEK!!!

Your first CLOWNY move was when you put yourself above the game last May. By sitting in Steinbrenner’s box and announcing you were“coming back” for the 307
th time, you were telling everyone that “I’m the man. I’m better than the Yankees. Love me!” Only, you weren’t good last year. You went 6-6 with a 4.18 ERA in only 18 starts, and you looked worse than Kei Igawa in the playoffs.

But, your descension into true CLOWNHOOD began on the afternoon of December, 13, 2007. It’s the day that will forever live in infamy in the world of Major League Baseball. Senator George Mitchell released the Mitchell Report detailing 85 players’ use of steroids and HGH in Major League Baseball. They should have just called it the Clemens Report.

While other named players with far less notoriety and evidence against them were admitting the truth behind Mitchell’s report, you sat on your fat ass and said nothing for days. Then after you and Mike Wallace stopped fellating each other, you went on 60 Minutes and told the world that the only shots you took were Vitamin B-12 and Lidocaine. Hey, guess what Rog…NO ONE BELIEVED YOU!!! Seriously, NO ONE! If you want vitamins, take a supplement you idiot! You also said that if you had taken roids you would have a 3rd ear growing out of your forehead. A 3RD EAR!?!?! Yea, Roger, that’s what Steroids do. Yep.

The next day, you air a tape of your former trainer and everyone’s favorite rat, Brian McNamee. You sat there and let him cry to you about his dying son, and aired it on national television. Do you have a soul Mr. Clemens…NO?!? You heartless bastard! On top of that, you walked out of the press conference that YOU CALLED! Are you kidding me Roger!?!

Then there was probably the worst day in sports history when you sat and got your ass handed to you by congress. I would describe what happened, but I uhh seem to have “misremembered” the details.

Hey, Roger, can you tell me what a Vegan is? No? Idiot!

Now, Roger, you’ve become nothing more than tabloid fodder. Every day it’s something else. Truth is, no one really cares if you had sex with a 15 year old country singer, or if you had an affair with your nanny, your waitress from the corner deli, an African-American male stripper, Paris Hilton or the Fabulous Moolah.

The fact is Roger, that you are not only the CLOWN OF THE WEEK, you are a liar, a cheater, an adulterer and a fool! I hate you Roger Clemens. The world hates you Roger Clemens. NO ONE likes you or respects you. I believe I speak for everyone when I say this…

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